Framily = the friends we choose as family
“Blood my be thicker than water”, but humans can’t live without both. When I listened to Brené Brown’s Unlocking Us Podcast episode from October 6, 2021 subtitled Big Friendships, the expressions, laughter, and wisdom deeply resonated with me and reminded me how grateful I am for my Framily.
BTW, my friends have heard me raving about Unlocking Us since my Goddaughter suggested I listen to Podcasts, and this one in particular, in June 2020. In December of 2015, a Discovery Education coach I had the privilege to work with gave me Brené’s book Daring Greatly. This was my introduction to “BB” (as she often uses) and through her publishing and podcasts I have discovered many of the other written and auditory resources referenced throughout these posts. Dr. Brown has so much wisdom and skill to offer, she is truly a gift to our culture. The most valuable of her offerings is the language she carefully unpacks and explains how to use. One of my favorite quotes of hers is “I’m not here to be right, I’m here to get it right”. But I digress…
My family is very small by most standards. Currently living are me (duh), my 97-year-old Mother (wow), my husband (thank goodness), and six cousins all of whom live in other time zones. I am an only child. My husband is a twin, but his brother died in 2018 and never had a spouse or children. My father, who transitioned from this life in 2003, was an only child and was raised as the eighth of seven children (I’ll save that for another story). My Mother’s younger twin brothers, the source of 4 of the 6 remaining cousins, have also died. The opportunity this “small family” provides is the room to build a Framily of any size and close or distant connection that I want. Accordingly, I am one of the most fortunate people I know.
Humans are hardwired for connection. And, just like neural pathways in the brain, the more frequently traveled routes, the ones repeatedly practiced and reinforced, become strong and solid connections. It’s the well tended connections that thrive. The human connection pathways that don’t satisfy our needs and wants atrophy, but again like neural pathways these too can be revived if we so desired. Framily are the friendships we make and consciously choose to maintain. The “relations” are ours to entirely define. There is no customary naming system, as with traditional Western society families: parent, sibling, first cousin, first cousin once removed, child, etc. (As an aside, I firmly believe we need to stop obsessing over traditional western society family definitions, these are archaic and truly limit our thinking and institutions). We aren’t required to prove biological or legal connection to be part of Framilies. In fact, I think one of the conditions of Framily that makes it stonger than blood or water is the fact that they only exist with committed choice of connection. I cherish my Framily.
